Abraham Biggs decided to take a lot of pills and basically kill himself on Justin.tv and at this now unused page while others -- a lot of people -- watched. I'm not so sure which is worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that the public just watched and let him do it without calling for help sooner.
Equally disturbing is the reaction of Justin.tv, which wrote:
As for the broadcaster incident last night, we don’t comment on individual videos, however, our policy prohibits inappropriate content on Justin.tv. We rely on the community to flag videos that they feel are objectionable. Once a video is flagged, it is reviewed and quickly removed from the system if it violates our Terms of Use.
You know, who cares about the "objectionable" aspect of the video, what about the fact that no one, not even Justin.tv took action to prevent that as it was happening?! That's sick. And sicker still is the news that some moderator on Bodybuilding.com egged Abraham on to take his own life!
Biggs' sister said it best:
"Joking about it, laughing about it, watching somebody breathe and then not breathe," the victim's sister, Rosalind Biggs, 27, said through tears. "It just would have taken one phone call."
One phone call. That's all. Hell, reportedly they were watching him for 12 hours ! 12 hours!
It's sad. He's just 19 years old and his MySpace page shows a person with a zest for life. But this note he left shows the inner pain he had just below the surface, and not to far down at that:
Ask a guy who is gonna OD (again) tonight anything
To Whom It May Concern,
I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on.
I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me
reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am
an a@#hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never
change or never improve. I am in love with a girl and I know that I am
not good enough for her. I have come
to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I
keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in
the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling
me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I
dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want
my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me
to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I
thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I
am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every
new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give
me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think
that I am a major disappointment to him. I have a job but I?m always broke
and I am in college but barely, I show up to class but that?s about it.
I want my life to end. I am tired of f@#$ing up everything. I
am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am
tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I
hope that my parents know that I f@#$ed up not them. It is my fault I
screwed up my own life.
The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or
those who have crossed my path.
This hate rages full force towards me and only me.
I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot
come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and
the things I've done to hurt those in my life.
You have all touched my life in one way or another,
especially those whom I call family.
I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I
hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not
suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at
rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long.
Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard
to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many
times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did,
that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am
has only brought myself and others pain.
I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created.
Forgive me.
Love always and forever,
As for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone
reads this they will know it's me, "Can?t feel pain if your dead? Just Saying"
What this says to me is Abraham was receiving a lot of negative voices and he took them to heart. There's a saying "See a man for what he is and he will be that, but see a man for what he can become and he will reach his potential."
Abraham, it seems, was surrounded by people who could not -- or would not -- see his potential. But why?
I think far too many Black men, young men, get the voices of hate and negativity, as well as the images of the same. It's why Barack Obama's election was so very important but also why it came too late for Abraham. Apparently the die was already cast for this.
The bottom line: if you ever hear of a person talking about taking their own life take it seriously. Period.
