Friday, January 30, 2015

New Year's resolutions have come and gone: getting 'unstuck' in 2015

The end of January has arrived, and for many, the enthusiasm for New Year's resolutions has waned. How does the song go? 'Back to life, Back to Reality'. This can be a discouraging time, especially if you're still feeling as 'stuck' as you did in 2014. A few weeks ago, just back from a European trip I came down with the flu. Stuck in bed, I decided to start watching the series Downton Abbey after enjoying London while abroad. I proceeded to watch 4 full seasons in 2 week's time. That's about 32 hours of Amazon instant stream binging. I'm actually not sharing this with you here to impress you with my television watching abilities (though they are now well honed) I want to pass on some wisdom from the character Violet Crawley, Dowager Countess of Grantham in Downton Abbey. A razor tongued, hilarious matriarch with brilliant one liners, she said something that struck me as impressively simple, yet an invaluable outlook to adopt in life. She said "All life is a series of problems which we must try and solve. The first one and the next and the next, until at last we die." This message was directed towards her discouraged granddaughter, who was feeling overwhelmed by the ongoing string of unfortunate events of her life. While some may take her advice as grimly pessimistic, it struck me as both calming and reassuring. We must try to take a step back from our current circumstances and keep in mind, we're always going to be facing a "thing" to overcome or achieve, big or small. No need to harbor shame in the process, or adopt a sense of personal defectiveness, it's the nature of life. Resolution will come and/or 'that thing' will pass, because change is inevitable. In the meantime, try to find a bit of joy. Reach out to friends, find humor in the process, remind yourself that you are not the only one. One of the many things I love about helping people when they feel 'stuck' in a bad place, is hearing from them down the road, long after we've worked through those darkest hours. Nothing brings me more joy than finding out they are now flourishing and past that difficult phase when they came to me for professional support and skill building. It's concrete evidence that even when things completely fall apart in someone's life, things will turn around in time. Resolution has a way of happening, one way or another. I am reminded that life goes on, and my confidence is renewed in helping others find their way too. The hardest moments pass, we find a way to work through those dark hours, and there are surely joyful times to come. Life is a series of highs and lows. We can't change that inevitably and in knowing that we can find some peace and comfort as we get though it. Dr. Christina Villarreal is a mental health expert and coach in the San Francisco Bay Area. For professional inquiries please visit