Jersey Shore: Characters Analyzed-- by Nikky Raney

The cast of the Jersey Shore is RIDICULOUSLY OUTRAGEOUS.

I never understood the whole obsession with The Jersey Shore. I always heard everyone talking about it. I heard parodies about it. I heard about Snooki, "The Situation," etc. I watched some interviews with the cast on Chelsea Lately. I read a lot about JWOWW's breasts on The Superficial.

I didn't feel like I could truly "judge" this program until I watched it.

I sat in front of the television and took out my notebook.

I am not kidding you. I took notes. They have a DUCK as their telephone.

I watched it first on June 3, 2010 from 9 - 11 pm on MTV. I then watched it again right before the MTV Movie Awards on June 6 starting at 6 PM.

This show is completely insane. The first episode I saw included one of the guys getting pink eye. Then I saw "The Situation" cut up pickles and put them in Snooki's bed, and then he put some weird concoction under another guy's bed. Snooki's reaction was cute - she was upset that there were WASTED pickles!!

I looked up the definition of GUIDO online, and I found the definitions at various sites. There are the serious websites that say that it means a slang term for a working class citizen, but then we have the interesting UrbanDictionary.com which says a number of things including:

"An Italian who is culturally challenged and makes us real Italians look bad."

I think that the major components to any television show are the characters. The characters are the reason we watch the show, and I am going to do my own analysis on the characters based on the notes that I have taken.

I think I got all their names down. So here is my personal review on each cast member:

(The information is based on my OWN note-taking DURING the television programs)

Snooki: She's super short and super tan. She likes "juiceheads" and "guidos." She does the hair poof, and I think she's really cute. She does her own thing and dances a lot. Her real name is Nicole, and that's my real name too. I think I like her, and I was entertained by her throughout the show. I was extremely upset when she was punched in the face! That is not okay to do to anyone. She may have a bit of a drinking problem, but she's the character on the show that I have a "soft spot" for. She's just adorable! The things she says are a bit ... strange, and she sometimes seems like she might be up in the clouds somewhere, but I don't care - I like her.

I liked when she said to The Situation:

"You're fucking annoying, seriously. Just shut the fuck up because NO ONE likes you in this house."

The Situation: He seems like he thinks he's better than everyone else. He says he can hook up with any girl ever, but he's really just full of himself. He seems really like a meathead. He got into problems regarding "Sammi Sweetheart" and another one of the house mates. The Situation's real name is Mike, I think. He seems like he is out of touch with reality. I don't know if it's scripted, but if that is truly how he acts then I do not understand how he can honestly have such a warped reality. He says that everyone loves him and that he doesn't care what people say, but then he turns it around and says he never talks behind people's backs, but he is talking about everyone! He likes to "pull pranks" on "haters." Like he says some really outrageous things. One of the quotes from him I wrote down is:

"You better grab your girl tight when I'm around, 'cause I know she's grillin' me."

I don't even know what that means.

Another quote I wrote down was:

"I got girls back here almost every night. There's not a time that I don't have girls comong back. Girls LOVE The Situation."

Pauly D: He has some really interesting hair. I also saw in an episode that there was an Israeli woman named Danielle who was Jewish. She does not believe in sex before marriage. She was giving Pauly D. a shirt that said, "I Love Jewish Girls." She was basically stalking him everywhere he went and calling him non stop. That was a bit unusual. I think he's the same guy that got pink eye. His hair is just insane. He likes being a Guido, and that's really all. He was interesting, but he his hair was the only thing that really stood out. That and the stalker. OH and he's a DJ too?

Some quotes from him I wrote down include:

"I was born and raised a guido. It's just a lifestyle. It's being Italian, it's representing family, friends, tanning, gel, everything."

"My hair is windproof, waterproof, soccer-proof, motorcycle proof. I am not sure if my hair is bulletproof - I am not willing to try that."

J-WOWW: Jenni or J-WOWW has always stuck out in my mind as the one with breasts. The Superficial always was posting photos of her in bikinis and talking about her boobs, so when I started watching the show all I really could know her for were her breasts. She's interesting though, and she drinks a lot. She kept herself out of a situation where she would have cheated on her boyfriend, but I think she ended up cheating anyway. I went to jwoww.com to figure out more about her, because with all the other things going on during the show, I really couldn't understand her very well. She liked ham and she had a boyfriend. She showed some sorts of self control, but she was really impulsive. She was kind of like a big sister I guess. I must say, she had the best quotes & best "confessional booth" clips. She plays mind games when men, and she just.. I don't know, she reminds me of who I could be in the future if I went on the wrong path. I like her though. I like the way she sticks up for Snooki. Some of the quotes I wrote down include:

"I am like a praying mantis, after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off."

"I left the club early, because I didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend. I felt like eating ham and drinking water."

Vinny: I don't really remember Vinny. He seemed really sweet, and I really didn't think he stood out too much. That isn't a bad thing though. I have read that he's really smart, I believe it. He seemed pretty chill, and I really didn't write down too many notes about him. He talked about fist-pumping quite a bit though. I wrote down a couple quotes from him though:

"Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and the guys that wear lip-gloss and make up, those aren't guidos. Those are retards."

"Then there are some girls that are respectful that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings."

"I am the youngest guy in the house, but I am the most mature person in the house."

Ronnie: Ronnie got arrested for knocking this guy out who was harassing his roommates. People were being mean to Snooki, because she was wearing this tight pink corset outfit. The guy kept harassing them and some security guards broke it up, and then Ronnie ran back and knocked that guy out. He had to go to jail, and that was pretty insane. He was "dating" Sammi "Sweetheart." I guess Sammi was with The Situation first, and then she decided she liked Ronnie better. Ronnie seemed like a sweetheart, but he was also really unpredictable. The only time he really stood out to me was when he got arrested and spent the night in jail. Some of his quotes I wrote down were:

"I would give her dick in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick in a pack of bubblegum and say 'chew on this.'"

"I'll suck your big toe right now. I don't give a shit."

Sammi "Sweetheart:" She seems like a really sweet girl. I remember she was dancing with Situation and then made out with Ronnie and chose Ronnie. She was sad when Ronnie was in jail, and she stuck up for Snooki. She was just really sweet, and I could tell that she was the cast member that was meant to make people watching the show realize they aren't just watching a bunch of drunk jerks. Sammi seriously seemed so sweet to me. I liked when she said:

"I am the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet, but do not fuck with me."

I just liked Sammi a lot. She made me smile. She said such sweet stuff, and she seemed like the most down to earth & pretty respectable person in the house.

"You only learn, you grow, you move on. You have to push through every situation you are in."

Angelina: I don't really remember her? She called herself Kim Kardashian and bragged about her real boobs and butt? She was pretty full of herself. She left the show though - I guess it had to do with her boyfriend? I really didn't care much.

Anyway, I think that the reason The Jersey Shore is such a popular guilty pleasure is because some of the characters are unbelievable. There's drama and there's partying. It's just a surreal lifestyle, but maybe it is scripted. I just know that it's the one show on MTV that doesn't have blondes running the show. (I like Kristin Cavallari, I have since Laguna Beach, so don't assume anything.)

So, I spent about 6 hours of my life watching The Jersey Shore, and I hear there is a new season coming up. I don't understand why these cast members become more famous than the people who are on The Real World (I still consider The Real World the REALEST Reality Tv Show), but I am sure that if there's nothing else on television I will tune in and see what crazy situations the Jersey Shore has gotten into. The next season is filmed in Miami, which isn't the Jersey Shore.

Wow, this was a long blog post.

I hope people take the time to read it.

So there it is, my in-depth analysis of The Jersey Shore Cast Members (based on the television show).

P.S. The whole "Fist Pumping" term is really vulgar. I dislike.

P.P.S. The Superficial's new website looks cute, they haven't changed it since 2004 so I am impressed with the new layout. I was surprised that my homepage Geekologie wasn't given a makeover.

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