You know there's something wrong, but you have a sense that it's all your fault. Rage bubbles and pops to the surface, the only emotion that seems to escape the thick stew of depression that dulls your days.
You make lists and lists, trying to get your life under control. But two days later, you stare at pieces of paper, trying to remember what the scribble meant, which thing it is that you were supposed to do next.
Chronic pain is there all the time, and you try to plan and wait and be patient and stick with a process, but then you find yourself sitting, head in hands, unable to remember what's next. All you know is that something's wrong. And the rage squirms and writhes, trying to bubble up again.
The behavioral changes and impaired functioning caused by post-traumatic brain injury aren't poignant science fiction. They're real.
Traumatic brain injury, especially from repeated concussions, has become a pivotal topic in sport, particularly in the National Football League. Watching a game on TV, it used to be easy to scoff at the concept, as you watched players collide a million times and heard the dull thud of plastic against muscle, bone against bone. You've seen players get up and walk it off. How could it be life-damaging? And even if it is, didn't they kind of ask for it?
Background red color represents the proportion of homeless people by supervisory district in San Francisco. Individual dots represent reported assaults to SFPD during three weeks, April to May, 2011.
Disclaimer: Identifiable patients mentioned in this post were not served by R. Jan Gurley in her capacity as a physician at the San Francisco Department of Public Health, nor were they encountered through her position there. The views and opinions expressed by R. Jan Gurley are her own and do not necessarily reflect the official policies of the City and County of San Francisco; nor does mention of the San Francisco Department of Public Health imply its endorsement.
Photo credit: dbking via Flickr
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