I created this video-blog for two reasons: first, because my friend Rachel Sklar (well, friend in online media from my
Huffington Post vlog submission days, but have yet to meet) wrote a
stinging column at the news website Mediaite where she's Editor-at-Large; second, because her take seemed to focus on the ridiculous perspective that at 37-year-old (as of next week) she was unattractive.
Before I continue, Rachel Sklar, you're just plain hot.
Rachel's angry with the New York Observer's Spencer Morgan, who wrote a rather mean-toned column entitled "
Rrrowl! Beware Cougar's Young Niece, the Cheetah", about what he observes is a particular kind of woman younger than the hated "Cougar" but who is equally sexually-aggressive.
I don't know Spencer Morgan and I noticed that he's married, but my experience is such that men who have to place that kind of label on a woman hate women. What I mean is they have to categorize a woman for the general purpose of making a negative statement about them.
Think about it. When was the last time you saw the term "Cougar" used in a positive light, except when some guy says he escaped the paws of one, female or feline? That's not nice at all. By extension, it's not cool to call a woman a Cheetah, either, regardless of age.
The message I took from Spencer Morgan's ranting story about drunken exploits in Manhattan was that aggressive women are to be feared, loathed, and avoided at all costs.
I can't help but wonder if that view applies to women who are aggressive in the workplace or on the playing field? While
Elizabeth Lambert has become the poster child for dirty play, I've got to admit I applauded the fact that it was a woman doing the punching instead of a man. Negative aspects aside, aggressive and assertive women are the kind most likely to stop a potential criminal in his or her tracks. It's about time.
I for one find such a woman extremely hot, and I'm proud to say I know a lot of them. Spencer cracks on women who sleep with a man then leave in the morning as if nothing happened; that's the fun story of my sex life. We call it "no strings" and Morgan's complaining? In my book, it's called a good screw and real men don't run around whining about women who start them.
Rachel, I'm not implying that you're such a woman; I'm just attacking the message of Morgan's work from my personal view. As the only male member of the San Francisco Chapter of WISE - Women in Sports and Events - I can't tell you how many men are just plain scared of attending a mostly-female networking event. But what's even harder to understand is this: aggressive women like men who fear and hate them.
I think this has to do with some women not being able to get beyond a message that they have to have a certain type of guy: black women have to have a black man where white women have to have a white guy, and so on. Fortunately a number of forces have come together such that the
Millennial generation between 21 and 31 is almost devoid of such a concern; in my experience as of this writing, interracial dating for Millennial women is far more the standard than for women over 30.
Another set of forces has impacted the mating scene: the emergence of gay culture. In San Francisco (I live in both Oakland and suburban Atlanta) I've talked to a number of white women over the years who complained that the white men they were interested in turned out to be Gay. In fact this happens so frequently many white women assume a white man may be Gay if he's attractive and of means.
It's so much a part of our American urban culture, the concern found its way into Woody Allen's
Husbands and Wives, when Judy Roth (Mia Farrow) observes that Michael Gates (Liam Neeson) is "single and not Gay" and that was in 1992; 18 years later, it's part of our cultural DNA.
So all of that spells confusion for a lot of women, especially older women. But it spells an America where it's easier to get a hook up, but harder to find a mate. So older women are just trying to make it as best they can.
Many women are adjusting to the new World around them by going after what who they think will accept them regardless of color, which is a fantastic development. Black women date white men; white women with black men, and all points connect in between. Cool. Very cool.
Some women get so frustrated with older men who don't grow with the culture or with them and fear aggressive women, they turn to....women. Look at Meridith Baxter.
So while all this is going on, some mean guy has to go and put a term on older women just trying to cope, calling them Cougars. I hate the term and it certainly does not apply to Rachel Sklar.
Rachel, this is for you: you're just plain hot. OK. There's nothing about you that is even remotely undesirable. You've got a great smile, lovely eyes and a playful way that just comes shining through, and your damn smart. Stop picking out or being drawn to men who can't see this (or who fit in a certain "box") and would even think of a woman of any age in a negative light such that he has to use a derisive term. Kick them to the curb.
Rachel Skalar, you're awesome and your best days are ahead of you. I hope this blog rant of mine makes your birthday that much happier. And when I'm in New York, let's catch dinner at 21!
Happy Birthday!
