Donald Trump: the psychological impact of toxic masculinity and how healthy, happy men diversify

I want to begin this piece by sharing how challenging it can be for me to understand the underpinnings of American masculinity as an American woman of color. Even after 10 years of experience as a clinical psychologist, coach and professor I still feel stumped sometimes in helping men navigate their career development and improve their interpersonal relationships, particularly as it relates to their masculine identity. I have a deep sense of curiosity and motivation to understand the perspectives of all my clientele. Public figures can also also stir my intellectual curiosity, especially when similar issues are cropping up among those I’m helping in my practice. I write as a way to synthesize the research and consultation I do with professional colleagues and members of various social groups to increase my understanding of particular clinical issues. By improving my understanding of how men operate within their gender framework, I can more effectively support their goals for happiness and achievement while respecting their values and world view. Donald Trump’s entire public life provides a rich opportunity to examine how male gender expression, at it’s extreme, can lead to a toxic psychological crisis in masculine identity. In this article I’d like to set aside drawing conclusions about his potential to effectively lead as President of The United States of America. Why? Just imagine for a moment, what it would be like to be Donald Trump’s therapist. You see, as difficult as it may be, therapists must aim to reserve judgment in order to understand and assess how to be helpful in creating healthy change and growth. If we can we understand Donald Trump’s psychological make-up as it relates to masculinity, surely we can learn something about the gender confines that men face in getting their psychological needs met as they strive for fulfillment and achievement. Why is this important? Trump reflects the toxic side of American masculinity, and if we don’t take a close look at how and why toxicity develops and festers within male culture, we can’t begin to stop it from infecting others in small or large ways in men everywhere. Imagine for a moment, a four way street intersection, where gas fueling stations are housed on each of the four corners. At each fueling station, you can ‘fill up your tank’ on: Physical Aggression/Strength/Athleticism Money/Influence of Financial Wealth Control/Influence Upon Others (at work or in personal relationships) Sexual Prowess and Virility/Sexual Satisfaction These four fueling stations can be seen as representing the most traditional, socially acceptable, even socially celebrated opportunities for men to fuel their sense of masculinity. Whether or not you personally agree with this, the vast majority of American men are measured by others against these four standards of traditional masculinity at various points in their life. While men also aim for other forms of achievement (e.g. intellectual development, family life development, practice of religious faith) those strivings aren’t typically seen as embodying strength of masculinity in and of themselves. Traditional masculine-affirming pursuits do not have to be at the expense of other’s rights, take on a quality of malicious manipulation and oppression, or require a man to rely on them as his sole means for fulfillment. Masculine identity serves men best when it allows space for them to thrive in these traditional areas should they choose, but also allows them ample space to enrich their lives through other areas of fulfillment and connectivity. Some men whom I’ve worked with appear to be ‘stuck‘ in the relentless pursuit of boosting one or more of these traditional areas of masculinity in the hopes of achieving lasting happiness. The theory of masculine overcompensation dates back to Sigmund Freud’s notions of ‘reaction formation‘ and ‘defense mechanisms‘. Some men respond to having their masculinity questioned by emphasizing their expression of traditional masculine traits. In 2013, a group of sociologists put this theory to the test. In Overdoing Gender,” a study for the American Journal of Sociology, men were given feedback suggesting they were ‘feminine’, which led to an increased support for war, homophobic attitudes, interest in purchasing an SUV, support for, and desire to advance in dominance hierarchies, and belief in male superiority. Research from The American Journal of Men’s Health and a host of other studies conclude that the expression of traditional masculine traits can be hazardous for men’s health functioning. William Ming Liu, editor of the journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity describes toxic masculinity as providing a very limited way for men to relate to each other- when boys are socialized to avoid feelings and weakness it increases their overall psychological stress. As a woman and mental health professional, it can be tempting to say “hmmm…have you considered seeking fulfillment from OTHER areas? You’ve already experienced objectively high levels of achievement through these traditional areas, and you’re telling me you’re still unhappy/unsatisfied. Why not pivot and diversify? See if some other areas of personal development could help you feel better/more fulfilled for the long term?” In my professional experience, toxicity can take root in a man’s masculine identity when he gets stuck searching for fulfillment from these 4 traditional areas of masculinity only. Without diversification, it can lead to toxic overdose! In Donald Trump’s case, he keeps going back for more and more like an addict- all of his accomplishments are no longer getting him that desired high, so he keeps upping the ante. Overdosed on orange self-tanner and sporting a shellacked comb over, surrounding himself with garish gold interiors, aggressively forcing himself sexually upon countless women, accruing more debt in the relentless pursuit of financial return, publicly decrying ideas of racial superiority that benefit himself at the expense of others, and finally, seeking political office as the world’s most powerfully influential men. He is feeding his own internal beast and he does not appear to be slowing down. I suspect there is a deep, empty abyss inside his sense of identity that is always starving for increasingly grandiose, self-serving displays of ‘success’. This particular phenomenon of toxic masculinity is not only psychologically unhealthy, but socially destructive when public figures like Donald Trump effectively normalize misogyny, sexism, racism and xenophobia. donald-trump While many American men aspire to experience some degree of his accomplishments in the areas of wealth, power, influence, access and opportunity with beautiful women, it’s important to underscore that these gains alone may very well NOT lead to the level of fulfillment and happiness one might imagine. Encouraging a more well-rounded sense of masculine identity, one that allows room for pursuits that go beyond the traditional male gender constructs will increase men’s opportunity for lasting and balanced happiness. Research by Levant and other psychologists reveal healthy aspects of masculinity might actually protect and improve men’s health. These healthy aspects of masculinity include: Self-Reliance Responsibility (personal, familial, societal) Emotional maturity/emotional intelligence Investing in making a positive impact on society/the environment that is personally meaningful Aiming to grow and diversify oneself in these key areas can help men achieve lasting personal fulfillment beyond traditional masculine pursuits for success. Each are common treatment goals I work on with the high-achieving men in my executive coaching practice. Many have shared with me how rewarding it feels to build upon what they’ve already mastered and thrive in these important life aspirations. Dr. Christina Villarreal is a mental health expert, executive coach, professor and writer practicing in the San Francisco Bay Area. Professional inquiries may reach her at www.drchristinavillarreal.com

Miss California | Trump Will Let Carrie Prejean Keep Crown

 

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This is just my prediction but Donald Trump will let Carrie Prejean keep her Miss California crown, upsetting Perez Hilton and much of Hollywood in the process. They will yell, kick and scream but for Trump it's about regaining control of the message: it's my pageant not yours. And he will effectively say this to the representatives of Miss California, the very ones who on Monday held a press conference that was more activist bickering rant than an event, but I suppose that's an event too.



The Miss California Press Conference

It's not that I disagree with the message of diversity the spokespersons were attempting to communicate, it's just that they staged the event knowing full well Trump could pull the rug out from under them on Tuesday. After all, as they said, it's his call.

Plus all of this isn't over Prejean's so-called nude photos or her contract that she signed stating she didn't pose nude, it's her comment on (drum roll, please) Gay Marriage. Now, if she said "marriage is between a White man and a White woman," I'd have said "Well, I'll give her three years before some brother turns her out." But let's think that through for a moment. Given the number of interracial marriages and famous couples, like Heidi and Seal, Prejean would not have a single group to turn to other than the KKK, and that would bounce her in a second.

And that's the point. Anyone can marry anyone, really. It doesn't have to be state sanctioned but it certainly makes life easier when it is. The point is Prejean is being demonized for stating she likes men and traditional sexual parings - it's an issue of "preferred plumbing" which Prejean confuses with civil rights. Ok. That's it, really. What Prejean will do to keep her crown is grow up and apologize and promise to uphold the ideals and values of Miss California. In other words, she'll eat crow and like it.

As for Trump, he's got to regain the message and save Miss California. He's already said Prejean was "unlucky" and would get "hit regardless of what she said" and that's true. Prejean has been called every name in the book and some blogs have made up stoies that are not true (like the one where she was spotted topless with Michael Phelps). Trump's also said she's a "seriously good looking woman" which anyone can see.

Plus, and I forgot to make this point in the video, Trump's a Republican and you've got to believe he's going to back a young lovely firebrand of a woman (regardless of color) unafraid to share her conservative values but he's going to do it in a way that eases the pain others have felt at a moment in time when we can see a new round of real social change before us such that true civil rights are protected.

Prejean must present herself as respectful of those rights, period. I think with Trump she will. Moreover, if she's a true Christian, she'll express that she was wrong and that she loves people, period.

(OK. So what if I'm wrong? I just can't see it. But if I am, it's only because she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer; eventually the conservative spokesperson dollars will dry up and she'll have door after door closed to her later in life as the country changes. But I can't see her being that stupid that either. We shall see.)

Donald Trump Leaves $10,000 Tip!

Yep. That's right! According to Derober, A Santa Monica-based Buffalo Club waiter who had a "tough month" got a nice gift from Donald Trump, a $10,000 tip!

CNN Trying To Ignore Barack Obama -- Why?

I am watching Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer right now and even though Senator Barack Obama drew a crowd of over 15,000 people in Oakland and held a massive fund-raiser at the Mark Hopkins in San Francisco, there was no mention of him in the discussion of presidential candidates on the program.

CNN didn't even report where Barack Obama was going to be on the campaign trail. They inforrmed us of Hillary Clinton's fund raiser in New York this evening and the events of five other presidential candidates. But CNN didn't even take time to report that Barack Obama didn't have a scheduled event for Sunday, and they've done that for other candidates in the past.

And when Wolf asked Donald Trump about the presidential election he didn't ask Trump for his view on Barack Obama.

It must be asked why is CNN trying to ignore Senator Barack Obama? Is it that they don't want him to win because he's Black? Hillary Clinton is not vastly ahead in any poll at all. It seems CNN has no problem focusing on Obama when someone brings up bad news -- and that doesn't stick at all.



Again, what's up? I thought CNN was supposed to be fair and balanced, and not Fox News!