Gen-Y's tech twist on engagement, weddings and parenthood

While Gen-Y is still getting married at much lower rates than previous generations, some millennials are finally beginning to grow up, entering the world of marital engagements, wedding planning, and parenthood. True to form, their choices reflect advancements that set them apart from Gen-Xers, who were the first to utilize technology to chronicle their love stories on websites like theknot.com, build wedding registries online, gift personalized CDs with digitally remastered music as wedding favors, show spliced video montages of the bride and groom's childhood at wedding receptions, and research honeymoons on websites like tripadvisor.com. As a card carrying member of generation X, I can proudly say we thought we were so cutting edge! Our kids were the first to be born with smartphones and tablets in their hands, and we posted their baby pictures on our social media pages and texted them to their grandparents. But time nor technology stands still, and Gen-Y has begun to put their own tech twist on engagements, weddings and baby plans. As a mental health treatment provider and consultant who works almost entirely with millennials in the San Francisco Bay Area, I have taken note of the following trends: Their romantic relationships have an online life of their own. As the saying goes, no one really knows what happens behind closed doors, but in the personal lives of millennials, we can certainly take a look at their online activity to see what they'd like us to believe about their relationship status and history. The internet has become their forum of choice for chronicling romantic highs and lows, functioning as a means to gain public support, air grievances, compete for attention, and display markers of success (not to mention deleting away failures.) From public playlists on Spotify, hashtags on Twitter and Instagram, Pinterest boards and Facebook's 'Relationship Status' updates, Gen-Y leaves little to the imagination when it comes to sharing their stories of romance. They crowd source their decisions when it comes to navigating relationships. Millennials are used to solving problems fast, arriving at optimal solutions with the least resistance possible. Millennials have been groomed to work in competency-based teams, and this concept is frequently used for managing their personal lives too. They prefer to avoid conflict, and are more comfortable than previous generations relying on others to help them make decisions. Jeff Snipes, CEO of Ninth House, a provider of online education, including optimizing team effectiveness, says a hierarchical, leader-oriented team was more appropriate for earlier generations: “Traditionally if you worked up the ranks for twenty years and all the employees were local then you could know all the functions of the workplace. Then you could lead by barking orders. But today everything moves too fast and the breadth of competency necessary to do something is too vast.” When faced with life-changing decisions about relationship commitment or endings, Gen-Y seeks the opinions of their team of friends, family and experts to help them navigate and solve problems. When problems are deemed too private to share, websites like popular sites like Whisper and Secret are put to use by millennials as a way to air their private thoughts, share their hidden behaviors and ask for advice completely anonymously, so there is no threat to their carefully constructed online image. Their engagement stories, weddings and honeymoons reflect their brilliance and investment in personal branding. While previous generations aimed to establish their worth and reputation through self-improvement, author Dan Schawbel of Me 2.0: Build a Powerful Brand to Achieve Career Success points out that Gen-Y has discovered that in the dawn of the internet, admiration and success comes from self-packaging through a carefully concocted personal brand. From the days of Myspace to Tumblr, millennials have grown up managing their self image like celebrity publicists. Gen-Y has turned self-portraits into a way of life- 'selfies' have become one of the internet's top forms of self-expression. Their overall online presence has been a way to uniquely distinguish themselves from everyone else, and they are highly invested in making their relationship milestones ideally memorable as part of their personal brand. Whether they capture and share these milestones via Snapchat's Our Story, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, or personal blogs, millennials are sure to control how the world sees their love stories unfold through brand management. One San Francisco Bay area millennial shared with me she got engaged via FaceTime, since her long-distance boyfriend was living in abroad and couldn't wait to pop the question. To his credit, her (now fiance) also created an iMovie that he shared with her, depicting him staged in funny scenarios accompanied by a personalized musical score that specially captured their romantic history. They're comfortable resisting tradition, understanding that 'following the rules' doesn't necessarily bring 'happily ever after.' Author Paul Hudson of Elite Daily, The Voice of Generation Y observes that millennials are far less likely than past generations to buy into the notion that marriage is the gateway to a future of stability and happiness. Harry Benson, research director at the Marriage Foundation, describes the strong link between parental divorce and a reluctance to get married. “If your parents split up then most people are more likely to be quite skeptical about the value of marriage,” he explains. “So as there’s rising divorce rates, you can imagine how when the next generation appears, people will be more dubious about marriage.” Bobby Duffy, leading market researcher on generational analysis, says there are also far more financial pressures on millennials than previous generations. They have more educational debt in a less stable economic climate, and face an incredibly buoyant housing market. According to CNNMoney, twenty-somethings are transitioning into adult life at a more gradual pace, opting to cohabitate and co-parent without traditional marriage at a much higher rate than previous generations. They anticipate their babies' future in a world where technological identity matters. One website says it all: awesomebabyname.com, a new online tool that allows parents to choose a name for their child based on website domain availability. Yes people, this is happening. I heard it first a few months ago when a pregnant patient of mine found out she was having a girl, the first thing she and her cohabiting boyfriend/expecting father-to-be did was buy website domains and establish email accounts in her name. Of course, now there's an app for that! "It's important to give your children a fighting chance of having good SEO (Search Engine Optimization) in the 21st century," says Finnbar Taylor, who created this website together with Karen X. Cheng. "We use search engines all day long to answer our questions and find things, including people. Imagine being called John Smith and trying to get a ranking on Google search. It's important to give your child a unique name so that people, like potential employers, will be able to find them easily in the future." Granted, millennials are still in their 20's, a time when it's still developmentally common to be preoccupied with self-image, and an idealized future that looks different than previous generations. The question is, as Gen-Y ages, which of these trends, if any, will change? Dr. Christina Villarreal is a clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area, CA. She produces web articles, televised and print/web interviews on current issues in mental health and tech culture. She offers consultation and strategy to start up founders and employees.

Are you a tech junkie? When tech and media collecting becomes digital hoarding

Melinda Beck, a journalist with The Wall Street Journal welcomed me as a psychological expert and contributor to her article, Drowning in Email, Photos, Files? Hoarding Goes Digital. The extent to which technology is infiltrating our lives is taking a toll on our psychological well-being, and some of us are particularly at risk. This article skillfully discusses the development, associated symptoms and treatment of digital hoarding.

An excerpt from the article:

Christina Villarreal, a cognitive-behavioral therapist in Oakland, Calif., says she has clients in the tech industry—young men mostly—who spend so much time and money amassing collections of music or games or gadgets that they withdraw from the real world. “They can’t pay their rent or buy food because they have to have this latest piece of equipment to support their habit,” says Dr. Villarreal. She notes that hoarding often starts out as a way to feel good or fill an emptiness in life, but it leaves sufferers even more isolated. She helps clients relearn basic social skills and find other enjoyable activities instead.
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The field of psychology is still establishing healthy standards of functioning when it comes to the consumption of technology. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders IV (DSM-IV) does not currently recognize digital hoarding as a mental disorder however it is being considered for inclusion in the DSM-V's main manual or as an appendix for further research, which will be published in May 2013. To better understand the basis of hoarding, review Do you have Chronic Disorganization, Clinical Hoarding, or are you just a 'packrat'?

How do mental health experts currently determine when digital collecting becomes 'digital hoarding' and dysfunctional in a person?

Psychologists like myself are likely to diagnose someone as dysfunctional when their digital collecting behavior begins to impact multiple areas of their functioning in the following ways:

occupational and/or academic demands are no longer consistently met due to the quanitity of time spent researching, collecting and organizing digital devices and/or media
social withdrawal and/or isolation patterns emerge with friends and/or family
social relationships begin to deteriorate and/or suffer negative consequences
physical functioning/self care habits show decline, such as neglecting regular exercise, poor dietary choices that result in significant weight gain or loss
sleep deprivation
poorly managed finances/debt as a result of digital/technology driven spending habits
difficulty stopping or reducing their collection of digital devices and/or media files that go largely unused
noticeable changes in mental functioning that result in symptoms of depression, obsessive/compulsive anxiety, or substance abuse
poor insight/inability to see the connection between their collecting habits and the negative consequences of their behavioral choices


What kind of treatment, if any, helps someone with digital hoarding problems?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy that can help to alleviate negative symptoms and improve overall functioning. A well planned treatment regimen may include:

Systematic Desensitization also known as Graduated Exposure Therapy
assessing the need for psychotropic medication to reduce symptoms of obsessive thoughts and behaviors, anxiety and/or depression
identifying/increasing other enjoyable activities into daily life
increasing social opportunities for support
social skill building when necessary
developing and maintaining healthy self-care for diet, exercise and sleep patterns
support for debt management

Dr. Christina Villarreal is a licensed clinical psychologist in Oakland, CA. For further questions or referrals email her at christina.villarreal@gmail.com

False Steve Jobs Report Not CNN's Fault

Just two days ago an iReporters created a video that reported news that Apple CEO Steve Jobs had a heart attack. The result was a drop in Apple's stock price before the iReport team got wind of the news that the video's report was false.

They took it down 20 minutes later.

For some reason, some want to blame CNN for this situation. CNN's not at fault because the video was never tagged for official use by CNN.